11:11

Is it hard to believe?
To believe that everything is real?

How can I unlove you?

How can I unlove someone beautiful as you?

I’m just a person.

Waiting to be found by someone who can actually stay with me.

But what happened?

Just like everyone,

You left.

You left me hanging.

You left me like a piece of trash waiting to be picked up again.

But then again,

Like a piece of trash,

You did not come back for me.

You did not picked me up

Was it because I am a trash?

Was it because I’m ACTUALLY a trash?

I love you endlessly like the endless waves.

I will miss you always because I care for you like a mother who cares and loves so much to her babies.

I will never forget you even I can have amnesia because my heart knew, it was always been you.

But does my love for you  enough?

Does my promises to you prevent you from leaving me?

No.

I guess not.

And it will never be.

Others says that “Love is everything”.

But.

Will you give everything for your loved one?

Will you sacrifice everything for that person?

Love is blind?

No.

Lovers are.

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Midnight

I know you.

I know you in a way that others do not know.

You have always been so true.

So pure.

So light.

So decent and nice.

And in a glimpse,

In a blink of an eye,

You changed.

Why?

Because you were known?

Because you have been noticed?

Is that acceptable?

Is that really reasonable?

Because in my point of view,

Its not.

I’m just concern.

Concern with all the happenings in your life.

Have I gone too far?

Have I offended you in a way?

I never say anything.

I don’t know what’s right and wrong anymore.

I think I’m right.

I think I have a point right?

But.

Why do I feel that its wrong to have attachments to you?

Does our friendship was made to fall apart?

Does our friendship was fated to end easily?

I guess yes.

Its all about the starting point.

About a starting point that was meant to end.

And yes,

I let it pass through.

I let it happen.

Why?

Because I know,

I treasure friendships so much that sometimes it hurts.

Sometimes,

I feel like I was the only one who is holding on.

Why fight for our friendship?

When you’re not even fighting for it.

Friendship that is composed with two strangers that got along well.

Friendship that is so strong,

Friendship that is treasured,

Friendship that was meant to start,

But ended.

It ended.

In the Amidst

Do you know the state of being alone?

Do you know how painful the feeling is when you don’t have someone on your back?

Do you know that in every mistake, it can cause death?

Because I know.

I know hard life is.

I know how painful it can be.

When you are in the dark, you need to find light.

The moment you find light, you think you can surpass everything. You think you can move on. You think you can move forward and forget all what you have done wrong.

No.

YOU ARE WRONG.

The moment you find light, you will hold onto it no matter what happens. You will hold onto it so tightly because it is the last reason of being alive. You will become afraid. You will become afraid if the light ran out. You will become afraid in going back to the dark where you are alone, sad, terrified and hunted by memories.

Having that one reason to live is painful but what if there is no light?

What if even how hard you try, you cant find a reason to live?

There is death.

Death is painful. Death is what I am scared the most. You will think about death again and again and again because you will feel that it is the only solution.

But then, have you ever think of walking in a path in the amidst of the dark?

Have you ever think that life can be in the dark or in the shining sun, and so the choice is in you?

I guess not.

There is no such thing as darkness. Darkness is just the absence of light.

There is no such thing  as empty room. There is always light. There is always someone you can rely on.

You think that darkness filled your heart?

Again, you are wrong.

YOU put the darkness in everywhere you go and therefore, YOU can also put light everywhere.

The choice is yours.

Even all people hate you. Even your parents are disappointed in you. Even all your friends think that you are fake and worthless.

Remember, it is your life.

You are here.

You, in your heart, there is God.

In an empty room, there is God. In the dark, there is God who you can always rely on and in open arms waiting to be hugged by you.

So please be strong,

Please keep walking and bring back the light in your world. Its hard yes, but He will walk with you.

Hang on.

Don’t lose the chance of seeing the world just because someone do not want you to.

Don’t lose the chance of being successful and everyone will be in awe of you.

Don’t lose the chance of having a family and friends that really loves you, and you will certainly be the happiest.

So please live.

Live and be contented.

Are We?

Our friendship is strong

Its almost perfect but hey what just happened ?

We fell in love and everything gone wrong.

 

I felt that “slow moment” with you

I like you because I care for you

I see you more than a best friend

Do you see me more than a best friend too?

 

We are so close

We are so close that I thought that we are meant for each other

We are so close that I hoped that you love me the way I love you

We are so close that it hurts to see you with someone else

I love you but do you love me too?

 

I guess I’m wrong

You love someone else.

Your “I love you”was meant for somebody

Your love will never be meant for me

 

This friendship that we treasured

This friendship that we hope no to last

But will it end?

I hope not.

 

Will you be mine?

Or just a friend of mine?

 

F R I E N D S ¿?

You need me?

Where are you when I needed you?

Do you still asks me if I’m okay?

Do you remember the times that I helped you

But

When I needed you

You didn’t show up?

Is that a “friend”?

Is that what you called “friends” nowadays?

How pathetic.

Its pathetic but I’m crying right now.

Crying in so much pain but what can I do?

Even with gallons of tears you will not change.

You will not change for goodness’ sake.

Who am I to judge you?

Who am I to correct every flaws in you?

But yeah, this is how life goes.

I’m reaching out to you.

Reaching out to you and holding you so tight but,

You let go.

You let me go..

I want to forget everything.

Forget the moments we shared.

Forget the moments that we I mean I actually treasured but

Why am I crying?

Why am I crying my heart out?

Why is it so painful to lose you?

Why are you so important to me?

Do I deserve this?

I don’t know anymore .

Well , let’s stop this.

I’ll never talk to you again.

Remember that.

In Vain

I am waiting for you.

Waiting for your text messages.

Waiting for your phone calls.

Waiting for your replies and everything.

What an idiot right?

Pathetic.

If you’re tired of waiting, then stop.

If you’re tired of appreciating, then stop.

If you’re tired of loving, then please don’t be tired.

Because I’m waiting.

Because I’m always here.

Waiting.

Even it hurts.

Waiting.

Even other people told me to stop.

Waiting.

Even other people calls me desperate.

Waiting.

Even I’m telling myself to stop when in fact I can’t.

And.

Waiting.

Waiting to be loved by you.

Love isn’t about saying “I love you” everyday to each other

Its about waiting to love and be loved at the most perfect time.

Loving for Nothing

You hate me.

You hate me for existing.

You hate me for being not good enough.

You hate me for being such a useless teen.

You hate me that I can’t even forgive myself.

You hate me and I want to change badly but I can’t.

You hate me and I’m still wondering why.

You hate me but I still love you so much.

You hate me but I still respect you.

You hate me and I’m in pain because you hate me that much.

You hate me but what I can do right?

You hate me and I love you so much.

Mom.